


dude, not cool

by Cephied_Variable



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, Gen, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-27
Updated: 2011-05-27
Packaged: 2017-10-19 20:01:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cephied_Variable/pseuds/Cephied_Variable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Davesprite thinks this interspecies partnership in incredibly shitty cartooning is getting a little ill-advised there, bro.</p><p>He's probably right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	dude, not cool

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written from the [kink meme](http://homesmut.livejournal.com/6376.html?thread=7151848#t7151848).

  
TG: sup  
TG: hey  
TG: what are you doing  
TG: what  
TG: what are you doing  
TG: just doing some elegant ass loops around the chronological block like cursive qs as i fix up this stockmarket bullshit till were comin up on 1929  
TG: isnt it obvious  
TG: no dumpass  
TG: i meant the stupid ass thing youre doing  
TG: yeah okay wanna explain that  
TG: talking to her  
TG: the troll girl  
TG: bro come on  
TG: what terezi  
TG: dont care  
TG: point is youre jumpin through hoops for her like a fucking trained monkey and its gonna end badly  
TG: hey terezis ok  
TG: and im not jumping through hoops shes just giving me a headsup on this future past bullshit  
TG: once i got a handle on it im gonna ditch her faster than egbert going down on nic cage  
TG: yeah theres the thing did you forget that she got john killed  
TG: jade too in case you didnt pick up on the implication there  
TG: dude the girl is dangerous  
TG: shit dont be so melodramatic i didnt forget  
TG: look once this stock market shit is over im done with her so cool your tits bro  
TG: i know what im doing  
TG: yeah okay somehow i doubt that  
TG: but i get it  
TG: youre me so i know youre gonna do what youre gonna do whatever  
TG: just registering the fact that i think what your gonna do is bullshit  
TG: formal fucking complaint lodged  
TG: woah are you seriously being passive aggressive at me right now  
TG: is that a thing that just fucking happened  
TG: okay using her to get a head up in the game or whatever the fuck your stupid ass logic was is fine but is the rest really necessary  
TG: what do you mean the rest  
TG: dude you know what i mean  
TG: answering all her calls listening to her bitch about her love life or whatever the fuck it is you two were talking about for like an hour  
TG: look its not my fault she never shuts up  
TG: i saw you start working on a comic for her  
TG: yeah long as i need her around might as well keep her entertained  
TG: jesus the fact that youre in denial makes this even worse  
TG: hahaha what  
TG: denial  
TG: holy shit i cant believe were having this conversation  
TG: im you asshole  
TG: you think i dont fucking know what it looks like when im totally macking on a girl  
TG: okay no  
TG: fuck no  
TG: i am not macking on terezi  
TG: you are macking so hard its embarrassing  
TG: im embarrassed for you dude  
TG: i didnt think i had such bad taste  
TG: you dont because thats not whats going on here  
TG: why the fuck would i be macking some shithive alien girl with cannibalistic synethesia and like six million teeth  
TG: i dont fucking know why dont you tell me  
TG: i cant because im not  
TG: you are so deeply in her grill youre basically selling charity hot dogs for the local baseball team  
TG: wow okay  
TG: i am sorry that she fucked things up for you dude but  
TG: you know she apologized to egbert  
TG: . . .  
TG: what  
TG: you actually believed that shit  
TG: doesnt even matter  
TG: because its not like im egbert theres no way shell pull that shit with me  
TG: because youre too smart  
TG: im not egbert  
TG: and even though im not in her grill but shes totally in mine  
TG: desperately even its kind of pathetic  
TG: yeah im really appreciating how much of a onesided relationship it is  
TG: i can see it clearly now  
TG: not like youre defending her honour or anything  
TG: oh no she apologized  
TG: nice one galahad  
TG: what the fuck do you want me to do just ignore her  
TG: why not  
TG: what would be the point shell just be twice as annoying when she finally gets a hold of me again  
TG: you cant block these troll assholes  
TG: maybe if you didnt give her the attention shes obviously jonsing for shed back off  
TG: yeah but i need her right now to raise all these boonbucks  
TG: do you even know what the point of that is  
TG: no you dont  
TG: you didnt even fucking ask her  
TG: . . .  
TG: nice  
TG: you dont have any reasons not to drop her like its hot this fucking second  
TG: not one  
TG: guess not  
TG: so do it  
TG: okay but  
TG: what if  
TG: i dont want to  
TG: called it  
TG: jegus christ  
TG: cant a dude just solicit a little interspecies correspondence without it meaning i want to hump an hr giger bust  
TG: why are you giving me the third degree here  
TG: youre the one being defensive  
TG: youre the one being a total douche  
TG: sorry to say i think lalonde has a point i need to chill the fuck out  
TG: youre repressing or whatever  
TG: im not the douchebag  
TG: youve been timelooping for what a day and a half now  
TG: whens the last time you even talked to rose  
TG: to jade  
TG: to john  
TG: dont even fucking appreciate what you have  
TG: ive been busy  
TG: not too busy to talk to the carnivorous wondergirl about her boy problems apparently  
TG: yeah okay bored now  
TG: what can i do to avoid continuing this conversation  
TG: its getting about as cheerful as a fucking mass suicide  
TG: fetch me a goddamn dixie cup im out  
TG: yeah its been a real tragedy learning what a stubborn asshole i am  
TG: so dude just do me one favour  
TG: just one  
TG: k  
TG: the moment this girl does something to fuck with you break it off ok  
TG: i dont care if she apologized to john i wont watch her fuck up my life too  
TG: . . . again  
TG: k  
TG: seriously dude fucking promise me  
TG: jesus i already said i was cutting her off from this candy scented wonderland the moment our boonbuck boonbust is finished calm the fuck down  
TG: like i said i doubt it  
TG: but whatever just say you promise me  
TG: . . .  
TG: fine i promise  
TG: the moment t-z does something creepier than usual i kick her to the curb  
TG: happy now  
TG: no but its no biggie  
TG: cool  
TG: yeah  
TG: we cool  
TG: yeah  
TG: k  
TG: lost my shit a little there sorry dude  
TG: nah its cool  
TG: k  
TG: catch you on the flipside  


 

  
  
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]  
  


  
GC: WH4T W4S 4LL TH4T 4BOUT? >:?  
TG: none of your fucking business is what it was about  
GC: M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3 W4S SO 4NGRY!  
GC: 1 N3V3R THOUGHT TH3 TWO OF YOU WOULD F1GHT! 1T W4S L1K3 4 CH3RRY-C4NT4LOP3 SW1RL OF 4NG3R  
TG: are you all hot and bothered now  
TG: pressed up against your computer screen huffing it like cocaine  
GC: TH3 COOLK1D R34LLY KNOWS HOW TO T4LK TO WOM3N H4H4H4H4  
GC: SORRY TO D1S4PPO1NT YOU BUT TH1S T1M3 1 H4V3 M4N4G3D TO R3STR41N MYS3LF  
TG: good i wouldnt want to make you into the kind of girl who gives it all up on the first hatedate  
GC: 1 DO NOT UND3RST4ND TH3 HUM4N SOC14L 1MPL1C4T1ON OF WH4T YOU JUST S41D BUT 1 4M GO1NG TO 4SSUM3 TH4T 1T W4S L4C1V1OUS. >:[  
TG: yeah nevermind  
TG: anyways i have to go do some stuff for a while so maybe you can go do your own shit too  
TG: bye  
GC: W41T!  
GC: D4V3 R3M3MB3R 1 H4V3 4LL YOUR T1M3L1N3S 1N OP3N 1N FRONT OF M3 R1GHT NOW.  
GC: 1 KNOW FOR 4 F4CT TH4T WH4T YOU JUST S41D W4S 4 L1E! >:[  
GC: 4ND NOT 4 V3RY GOOD ON3!  
GC: YOU JUST 3NG4G3D 1N 4 V3RY L1T3R4L 4ND SYMBOL1C 4RGUM3NT W1TH YOURS3LF!  
GC: 4R3 YOU R34LLY SUR3 YOU JUST W4NT TO GO OFF 4ND DO YOUR “OWN SH1T”?  
TG: okay so  
TG: maybe i just dont feel like talking right now  
TG: how about that  
GC: DO3S TH1S H4V3 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH YOUR 4RGUM3NT?  
TG: no  
TG: why would that be a thing  
TG: i know that you basically never stop creeping on me 24/7 but i got other stuff to worry about right now in case you havent noticed  
GC: D4V3 YOU 4R3 V3RY B4D 4T LY1NG  
GC: BUT 1 W1LL B3 POL1T3 4ND C34S3 MY NOSY PRY1NG 1NTO YOUR P3RSON4L 4FF41RS  
GC: 3V3N 1F TH3Y 4PP4R3NTLY 1NVOLV3 M3! >;]  
TG: jesus  
GC: 4LTHOUGH 1 W1LL S4Y TH1S  
GC: 1 F33L R34LLY B4D 4BOUT WH4T H4PP3N3D TO D4V3SPR1T3. 1 4LR34DY 4PLOG1Z3D BUT 1 GU3SS H3 DO3SNT H4V3 TO FORG1V3 M3  
GC: 1TS 3NOUGH FOR M3 TH4T YOUV3 FORG1V3N M3  
GC: 3V3N THOUGH 1 DONT TH1NK YOU 4CTU4LLY UND3RST4ND WH4T 1 D1D H4H4H4. >:\  
TG: can we please not be having this conversation  
GC: F1N3 F1N3  
GC: 3V4S1V3 COOLK1D 1S 3V4S1V3!  
GC: 4NYW4YS 1 DR3W YOU 4NOTH3R COM1C! W4NT TO S33!  
TG: hell  
TG: fucking  
TG: yes  



End file.
